Healing Emotional Wounds for Spiritual Growth
It’s Monday morning. I’m sitting on my couch watching The Chosen at 8:30 in the morning after only one hour of sleep. My two cats are staring at me, wondering why I betrayed them by having a laptop on my lap.
Usually, when I write, I have a clear outline. Today I have none. I’ve wrestled with this all week, and it has drained me. Not knowing what to write has affected my joy. Writing on threads, the phrase ‘I want my joy back’ reveals how unsettled I felt. I am a person who likes to know what I’m doing before I do it. I don’t like surprises except for Christmas and birthday presents, and I’m not a fan of parties. I’ve drifted from spending time with God; when that happens, I feel empty and lost. Being connected to God is vital in my walk with Him because, without Him, I can do nothing (John 15:5). Should I write about spending time with God? Or distractions? Maybe both; they go hand in hand. When I neglect time with God, distractions take over. All my school reports said I was easily distracted. That was true. But another part of me was a deep thinker and observer. When I consistently spend time with God, I become a different person: calm, focused, and less easily distracted. This characterises walking in the Spirit, who guides me, and I won’t crave the sinful nature. (Galatians 5:16)
At the beginning of last week, I started developing the business plan God spoke to me about. But instead of placing God in the middle of it, I treated it like work. I allowed the doing to become a distraction from spending time with Him. I should do it wholeheartedly as unto the Lord (Colossians 3:23), seeking His will in all I do, and He will show me the way. (Proverbs 3:6), especially in matters He has called me to. The last thing I want is for this new adventure to become a burden. I don’t want it to become just another task on a list that slowly becomes a chore and, eventually, cumbersome and burdensome.
By this time of the week, I have already written my second draft for my blog and newsletter. I have allowed distractions to be in the way. My distractions include looking back at what was, fearing the future, and wondering whether the business will fail. When I don’t spend time with God, these thoughts become dominant, and it’s harder for me to rid myself of them. My relationship with my wife changed; I react to the smallest things and personalise them because I am relying on my understanding.
Moreover, over the last months, I have noticed that I have allowed my emotions to distract me. I never knew what healthy emotions were or how to express my emotions easily without hurting anyone. I grew up in an environment that was emotionally abusive and manipulative. Before my current marriage, I was married for over 17 years, and that marriage was emotionally unhealthy. Before I met my wife, I prayed to God for an emotionally healthy woman, and that’s exactly what He gave me. What I didn’t realise was how emotionally unhealthy I still was. I thought my wife was being manipulative because she showed a little emotion. She wasn’t blaming me or getting angry. But I took it personally. I felt like she was blaming me or trying to control me. I assumed I had done something wrong. So, I became defensive. I shifted the blame instead of giving her space to feel hurt. I acted like a fool, with no interest in understanding and forcing my opinions (Proverbs 18:2). I should have listened and not reacted, allowing my anger to control me (James 1:19-20). For years, I had been manipulated through blame, so I carried my past hurt into my current marriage, believing she was doing the same. But I’m learning it’s okay for others to feel hurt, even after discussing tough subjects.
I grew up believing that tears meant absolute devastation, deep pain or grief so overwhelming that crying was the only resolution. That was my understanding. So, when my wife would tear up, I immediately thought I had said or done something wrong. I felt threatened and blamed. I reacted to her tears instead of letting her deal with her feelings. My reaction only made things worse. It turned into a misunderstanding and often a fight. Before I met my wife, I had never seen tears as a healthy expression of emotion.
Tears are often viewed as a sign of weakness in many churches today. We read in Scripture that Jesus wept (John 11:35). Churches suggest that someone isn’t strong in God or spiritually struggling if they express any emotion. But that’s not true. God keeps track of all our sorrows and holds all our tears in a bottle (Psalm 56:8). Tears can be a healthy way to express what’s going on in the heart. Who said tears can’t be healthy?
After all this, I realised the business itself wasn’t the distraction. It exposed what I needed to deal with, the root of my unhealthy emotions. Last night, before my wife and I went to sleep, we prayed together. I had no idea what to pray. So, I started by thanking God for who He is. Then, I began to pray about the root causes of those unhealthy emotions. I wanted God to search and know my heart (Psalm 139:23), because when I cry out, ‘Heal me, God,’ I shall be healed (Jeremiah 17:14); that’s when healing started to take place.
My distractions kept me from facing a deeper spiritual burden, unhealed emotions I didn’t want to deal with. I’ve learned that carrying something spiritual, especially something heavy and unresolved, affects every part of life. It affected my marriage, my time with God, my writing, and my ability to incorporate God into my daily life.
The devil wants to distract us from healing. We must remain alert and watchful as he prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8). He is aware of the consequences of neglecting to spend time with God. So, he’ll try everything he can to keep us occupied. Martha was distracted by serving rather than sitting at Jesus’ feet (Luke 10:39-42). Even after walking with God for years, we still face distractions. If someone says they don’t, they’re lying. Some of you might be reading this right now on your mobile phone. You might spend more time on social media than in God’s presence. If you’re struggling with distractions, come boldly before the throne of God’s grace and see that His grace will help you in times of need (Hebrews 4:16). Call on God and come close to Him. He will come close to you (James 4:8). If something is holding you back, remember that our weapons of warfare are not carnal but mighty, pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ (2 Corinthians 10:4-5). Ask Him to heal you because Satan does not want you to spend time with God.
